Law of attraction

The self, not the selfie

For any of you unfamiliar with the word ‘selfie’ it is a self-portrait usually taken with a mobile. Recently on Facebook and Twitter a new trend has developed where girls and women take no-makeup selfies. Although I have not jumped on that band wagon, the Irish Cancer Society has in a very creative way.

They have decided to use these no make-up photos as a way to fundraise. Using your Irish mobile and texting your photo to 50300, €4 gets donated to the charity. Or you can just text the number and the money is donated without any picture needed.

I believe this is a great idea and I will be donating but I won’t be taking the ‘selfie’. The reason? I don’t share the idea that showing my makeup-less face is that important. Why is it that as woman have we bought into the concept that we need makeup to make ourselves look good? I prefer my face without any blemishes or dark circles however, I don’t think I have ever asked why that is. Men (majority) don’t wear makeup and seem perfectly content walking around with naked faces.

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I believe this comes down to how woman feel about their inner selves. I get a sense that on the whole, most woman don’t like themselves very much. Using the example of the image above there is a case to be argued that woman are made to feel less. Which means there is a great opportunity to change that and it has to start at the individual level. If we had a planet full of well adjusted, happy individuals this would be an easier place to live I am sure.

Ever heard the saying ‘fake it, until you make it’? When it comes to self worth it’s a helpful belief. A great way to make yourself feel more secure in your being is with positive affirmations. I’ll give a few examples but if you want more, read up here. This exercise will work best if you do it every day, writing down the statements and saying them out loud.

  • I am a happy and healthy person.
  • I feel a divine sense of well being, high self esteem and confidence.
  • I believe in myself and my ability to do anything.
  • I have a positive attitude towards myself.
  • I feel appreciative and grateful for everything in my life.

Instead of the importance of looking good to the outside world, why not focus your attention to feeling good on the inside. The more happy you are in yourself the less you’ll care about others opinions of you. Maybe give yourself time to examine what makes you feel attractive and what doesn’t. Decide what you want for you, instead of what the world wants from you.

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it.” – J.M. Barrie

Stop Settling

Due to the format I’ve chosen for this site all the titles are in caps. This often can look as if you are being yelled the subject. In most cases that is not my intention. However, this time I would like you to hear the title as a loud voice in your head. A mantra you remember again and again, especially when you’re being treated in a way you do not deserve.

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It seems as though many people feel that overall happiness is make believe or unattainable. If you believe that then of course you aren’t feeling fulfilled.

There are many things in our culture that seem to be taken as truth and no one questions:

  • Everyone is unhappy in their job
  • Relationships are hard
  • Life is all about struggle and is always difficult

The stories we tell ourselves are powerful and whether you believe it or not, they shape our reality. If all you see is struggle and strife, all you experience is struggle and strife.

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Not everyone is unhappy in their jobs. Our culture places a lot of emphasis (maybe too much) on work. There’s an unwritten rule that we should live to work, not work to live. Why do we buy into that? It’s not worth it, dreading going into work everyday. Quitting in many cases is not an option so here are some tips on how to better enjoy your job.

Relationships can have rough spots but they shouldn’t always be difficult. It can be scary to examine a relationship but maybe it’s time if you are feeling unhappy.

Life can be full of difficult times but it does not have to always be that way. Loss and grief are terrible things to endure but don’t let them take you over. There are so many parts to you. You are not just your struggles.

If you want to read more on why you shouldn’t settle in life have a read here and here.

Start telling yourself that you deserve happiness and joy and be sure to settle for nothing less.

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” – Nelson Mandela

Regrets

It’s difficult for many of us to live the life we want. Being pushed and pulled by family, friends and the ideals of what we ‘should’ do.  Many people end up in a job they don’t really enjoy with people they can’t stand.  I am always surprised when I hear of someone miserable with their current life. I just think ‘Do they not know they can change it?’

There are many excuses as to why someone would stay unhappy in their life. There are eight here at the Huffington Post and below are a couple examples that the author gives:

  • I’m not ready to change – I know change is difficult and scary. We all enjoy routine, it calms us because we know what’s going to happen next. But if you want to have a different life you MUST be prepared to change.
  • What will people say? – In short, it doesn’t matter. You want to be unhappy because you’re worried about the opinions of others? I doubt it.
  • I don’t believe it’ll work out – Then it most likely won’t. You need to change your thinking and your belief system. If you need something to believe in, believe in you.

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Two years ago I read an article where a palliative nurse shared the most common regrets of the dying. When I read the list I found it very powerful but not surprising. It’s a cliche saying that at the end of your days you won’t wish you spent more time at the office; it’s a cliche because it’s true.

These are the top five regrets of the dying, taken from this article at the Guardian.

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Nothing here has anything to do with anyone else. All of the many individuals that reported these regrets were not blaming anyone else, they knew that no one else was responsible.

It is up to each and every one of us to be happy in our own lives. If you feel like you aren’t living the life you want, change it. No one else will do it for you. Make a change today and start feeling more content in yourself. I’m not saying quit your job and end your relationship all at once. But take stock of where you are the most unhappy and start to change it. If you need some help with how to change why not take a look here and here.

Life doesn’t have to always be a struggle. I love my job and I can honestly say I love my life. I remember at 16 realising I no longer enjoyed the job I was doing so I quit. I have only ever stayed in a job as long as I enjoyed it. I always knew something better would come along. It always did.

Start believing that you deserve a good life and don’t become someone who wishes they had done everything different.

“Life is short, break the Rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile.” -Mark Twain

It’s not easy to forgive

‘But in my heart I was given a choice. There were two ways of looking at the situation, one would lead to despair and darkness and the other to light and peace of mind.  I took the road of light. It was an instant decision, a moment of opportunity and grace.’

The above quote is Dave Dineen from Cork, he was a victim of multiple forms of abuse from his mother and brother. After not seeing his brother for many years he assumed when he did, he would want to kill him. However, something else came over him and like he said, he chose the light. His story of forgiveness is an amazing one, read all about it here.

Forgiveness can be very difficult and in Dave’s case it is incredible. When I hear of amazing examples of forgiveness I often ask myself, could I do the same?

To help myself with forgiveness I like to remember that I have a choice. If something terrible has happened, the only thing you can control is how you react to it. If I get rear-ended by another driver, I can loose my mind. Or I can be grateful that I am in one piece and that accidents happen.

If you are looking for steps to help you work on forgiveness this site has great suggestions. For example, living a happy life is great revenge for those who hurt you. And learning that the Aramaic word for forgive means to ‘untie’. You are loosening the hold that this other person had over you. With forgiveness you take back the control for your own well being.

If you aren’t ready to forgive quite yet then just remind yourself you are the one choosing to feel this way. The more empowered you feel, the less power you’ll want to give away.

“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.” – John Green