The ending of a relationship is like a death. It’s the death of the life we were living. It is also the death of the life we imagined for the future. Often times the sadness we feel when a relationship ends is not completely connected to the other person; but instead connected to the life we saw with them.
Although happiness begins with ourselves, the right person can make us feel complete. While the wrong person can make us feel like something is missing. For many people, that feeling of unhappiness makes us change many parts of our lives. Not yet wanting to admit what it is that’s making us feel unfulfilled.
The thought of not being with your partner can seem scary and overwhelming. Especially if they have found a way to chip away at your confidence and shine a light on your insecurities. That’s why the question of ‘Why do they stay?’ to women in abusive relationship is so unfair. When you feel as though you deserve terrible treatment, you put up with terrible treatment.
Sometimes a relationship ends with no fault of anyone. You used to love each other, now you don’t. You had a wonderful life together, now you don’t. You saw an entire future with this person, now you don’t. Although this connection with them is ending, your life with them may not be (especially if you have children), it will just be different.
If you have just come out of a relationship, or you are thinking about ending one, it’s important to give yourself time to grieve. Grieve the life you had imagined and grieve the person you wanted them to be. It can be difficult to move on, especially if you keep searching for closure. We usually want to get that from the other person but like most things it has to come from within. Give yourself time to be sad and know that this ending is the beginning of a new chapter.
There will come a time when you will look back and perhaps see this time as a defining moment. A time of chaos when like a phoenix you rose from the flames and started a new life.
“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.” -Mandy Hale