friends and family

Don’t Bite

There are times in our lives when we are surrounded by people we feel connected to. Over the years these relationships can change. The ones that affect us most are usually the ones within our family. In most cases, no matter what whey will always be in our lives. However, not everyone feels safe within the family environment.

The same issues can arise within our friend groups, work or any situation that involves interactions with others. Above all else you should feel safe and grounded. If you have begun to recognise there are certain people that make you feel very ungrounded or uneasy I invite you to trust that feeling. Begin working towards what you need to feel better in yourself when you are around this type of energy.

Bridging Gaps Between People, Processes, + Data.

What can you do?

  • It’s important that you acknowledge these feelings and if you can, try to understand what they are connected too.
  • Before meeting with these people take a few slow deep breaths and envision a bright light emanating from your heart or stomach. With every inhale and exhale it gets brighter and surrounds you.
  • This light will project from the things they say or the things they don’t.
  • Don’t spend too much time in their presence.
  • Stick to your boundaries. Only give them the amount of time you can without leaving you overly effected.
  • Don’t bite the hook. Without trying there are many people who know exactly how to draw us in. Allow them to fish all day without you biting and that will help stop the cycle of reactions.

You will being to realise that in most of these interactions it is both parties that causes the cycle to continue. You can only control you. Stop allowing them to have the power and choose to feel grounded and centred in yourself.

“Standing up for yourself doesn’t always involve verbal confrontation. Sometimes it’s about not wasting energy on people who are negative.” Sherry Argov

The Stories We Tell…

For each and every person on the planet the only reality we know is the one shaped by our own mind. Throughout our lives that reality may have become skewed because of the words and/or actions of others. Perhaps your parents were cold, you never felt heard, or you were abused by someone you loved. All of those things can lead you to believe that you aren’t good enough; or that you aren’t deserving of love.

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When the truth is, you do deserve love. You deserve to wake up every morning feeling okay in the person you are. Many people don’t feel that way. That friend of yours who you love so dearly, most likely spends a majority of the day putting themselves down. Saying they are stupid, ugly or a host of other awful things and believing it’s true. How would you feel if you heard someone you love speak like that to themselves? Why is it okay to speak to yourself in that way?

 Often times the words that hurt us the most are the ones we always believed about ourselves but hoped no one else could see. That’s why one remark can cut us down and ruin our day. Those are the things we can believe so easily. What if at your core, your personal truth was that you are deserving of love and happiness? Because you are, everyone is, you just need to believe it.

Start to notice the way you speak to yourself, without judgement. Be aware and decide if you want to continue to do that to yourself. Choose to believe in the good you have within you.

“Happiness is always there. You just have to choose to see it. There’s no point dwelling in the dark and ignoring the light of the stars.” – Carrie Hope Fletcher

Grief

At some point in our lives we will experience the loss of a loved one. Through my interactions with clients, friends and family I have seen how grief can change over time. I also know about the changing of grief from my own experience, today I am going to break therapist protocol and share some of my own story.

Ten years ago my father died and the world I was familiar with came crashing down around me. Suddenly and without warning everything I knew changed forever.

The days that followed his death were incredibly surreal. I had never allowed myself to imagine this scenario before; the thought was too much to bear. Therefore it did not seem real when I was met with the reality of never seeing him again. It seemed like a cosmic joke with a punchline I didn’t get. When we lose someone I believe our head and heart work at different speeds. Your brain can understand the concept that someone has died but the heart can take much longer to catch up.  Especially when you still feel them and see them everywhere you look.

When someone we love dies there is the initial shock. Even if we think we are prepared for the death, the moment it happens we can feel that we aren’t equipped. The shock can last for weeks, months or years. If we do not give time and space for grief, it can be difficult for it to leave us. It may take at least two years to grieve the loss of someone close to us. Two years where you give yourself time to reflect and time to mourn. There are very few people who I have met who gave themselves that sort of timeline. Often by the first anniversary there is an internal consensus that you should be able to move on. Which is incredibly unfair, especially if you look at how profoundly the person you lost touched your life.

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After my father died, someone shared with me that they had lost their father twenty years prior and still missed him everyday. In that moment, I hated those words. The thought that I would have to feel as I did then, for what sounded like forever, knocked the wind out of me. Only with the passing of time could I gain an understanding of what they meant. And they were right; I miss him everyday. But it’s different than in those first few weeks and months. In the early days it felt like the grief and heart-break was going to swallow me whole. However, over time that changed and it doesn’t hurt like it used too. Now if I feel that dull ache in my chest, it demonstrates what a huge place I had in my heart for him and him for me.

When someone we love dies it can end up changing the course of our entire lives. I know that I would not be where I am, or who I am had I not experienced such an earth shattering loss. It has defined me in a way that I did not let in for a long time, acceptance was not easy. But acceptance is a better feeling than bitterness which could have grown within me.

If you find yourself grieving at the moment please remember that it is okay to be sad, angry, disappointed and every range of emotions you can muster. You are starting to live in a world that feels new and scary without that person you loved so dearly. Get support if you need it, like all things that happen to us in life you don’t have to go through it alone.

“No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true.” – Walt Disney