The subject of relationships often pops up with clients, it often pops up in life. When it comes to romantic relationships things can get complicated very fast. There have been studies done that compare falling in love to being on drugs. It’s no wonder that after the falling has happened some people sit back and wonder how they got to where they are.
If you are presently at a relationship cross roads, take some time and sit with your feelings. Don’t sit with how you used to feel but how you feel now. Far too many people end up staying in unhappy relationships holding onto the past. They focus on how different they were or how different he/she was. Unfortunately that’s not the reality, how is the relationship today?
Ground yourself in the present and ask yourself what makes any relationship good. Does yours have these qualities? Here are a few ideas of what to look for:
- We share some secrets.
- We know about each other’s dreams and expectations.
- Our first date is fresh in my mind.
- I feel I come home to my partner whenever we meet up.
- We disagree, we talk, we negotiate, we compromise.
- Sex is pretty good most of the time.
- We see conflict is a healthy component in our relationship. It tells us there are things to discuss, not things to drive us apart.
- I love her/him for what they are, not for what I want.
- He/She is my best friend.
How do you feel about yourself in the relationship? The Self can often get lost in the love for another, which isn’t healthy. You should both have a part of your lives that is separate, it gives space for growth and exploration. If you want to read up on what is healthy and what isn’t, check out more here.
Every now and then checking in on how you feel about your relationship is important. It’s better if you don’t wait until it seems as though things are falling apart.
I know how scary it can be to imagine a life without your partner in it. But wouldn’t it be scarier to look back and see you spent so long unhappy? Open a dialogue with yourself, then open one with your partner.
“We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Stephen Chbosky